A Sick Rat

February didn't start great and has so far just been super stressful and very tiring. Right at the start Sharky got really ill, fast. It was so awful, I thought he was going to die. He's still ill but he's so much better.
He was breathing really fast, his sides were sucked in and he'd stopped eating and drinking. His behaviour was strange too, he seemed confused and he basically refused to be in the cage, he spent a few days just sitting on our necks/shoulders.

So, back to the beginning. On Sunday evening I thought he seemed a bit off but wasn't sure because I'm super paranoid about them and sometimes think something is wrong but they're just asleep. On Monday morning it was obvious something was really wrong so we made an appointment at the vet. We saw the vet, got home and just knew something wasn't right. It felt like we knew rats better than her, it just felt wrong. It didn't feel like he'd really been seen and all she did was re-prescribe what was written on his file from last time he was in, we only got the anti-inflammatories because I asked for some. We had a lot of trouble getting Sharky to take his medicine and Will phoned the vet to ask if there was anything else that could be done for him, he was in such a bad way. She told us no, they don't do exotics. !  Thinking about it makes me so angry. She didn't tell us that she basically didn't know what she was doing and then tried to tell us they couldn't help us full stop.
Will went back on Tuesday and there was a different person on the desk and a different vet on duty and they told us the person we'd seen isn't trained for rodents, we never should have been given an appointment with her and booked us in with the other vet.
I can't understand why the first vet didn't just say "here's antibiotics to get you started but you should come back tomorrow and see someone that knows rats". I'm so mad. I'm really happy with our vets in general but this was awful.
Anyway, Tuesday we saw a decent vet and she checked him over so thoroughly and talked us through everything. She even gave him an injection of the anti-inflammatory to get us started and a bit of fluid because he wasn't drinking. She counted his breathing rate and told us to count it at home so we would know if he was getting worse and to come back if he did. She was just super helpful and we went home feeling much better. Sharky might still have been really ill but at least we knew we were doing everything we could for him.
By Wednesday we'd got him hooked on cucumber. We wanted to get him re-hydrated and he wouldn't drink but he loved cucumber. Then he started to perk up, he started drinking and eating and eventually spent more and more time back in the cage rather than hiding on us.

We're still having to syringe the antibiotics because the first few times we had to syringe it into his mouth because he wasn't eating and he got such a taste for it that he can smell it in anything we put it in and he refuses to eat it. We are managing to hide the anti-inflammatories now though so at least that's one less syringing he needs.
Syringing the medicine is so stressful. It took a few goes to get the hang of it (it's weird to shove something so much in his mouth) but he's also learning how to avoid it. Most of it is going in now but he does end up with a wet chin which he rubs all over the sofa first chance he gets. It's for his own good but I feel so sorry for him he must be so confused, why are we doing this horrible thing to him. He's such a good boy though, and aside from trying to spit it all back out he does really well at it.
We're just over a week into the two week course now and his behaviour is back to normal and his breathing has slowed down a bit. We're going to get him back into the vet soon to see how he actually is and what needs doing next. Hopefully not much, hopefully he's magically better. She talked of x-rays and I just don't even want to think about it.
And me, I'm really fucking tired lol. The stress is wearing me out, we're getting up earlier to give him his meds and staying up later to keep an eye on him so am tired and being so tired and stressed is making me all crazy negative and thinking bad things about myself and my work and then that stresses me out even more.
I'm actually not feeling as bad today, hopefully I can ride it out without too much damage. It's at that point where every tiny thing adds onto it and it just feels like everything is happening at once and can't we catch a break and oh my god the mushroom bag broke and there are mushrooms everywhere, has anything this bad ever happened before, how will I survive!!! And yeah, I'm tired lol.

What's On My Desk

I've been feeling very affected by grumpy, bigoted idiots lately and because I can't do anything about those people, being affected by it stresses me out which becomes a bit of an evil circle. I think in the fight against what is stupid in the world, an important thing is to be happy and fulfilled and truly ourselves as much as possible. And to do what you can to help other people achieve that too. Angry idiots always want to drag you down with them into their insecure, scared, ugly little worlds and surely one of the best things to do against that is to be your best self. I don't know, I just want to be happy and there's way too much that seems to not want that so screw that, I'm just gonna have a cosy time.

Anyway, here are some recent desk photos because they make me happy and so does how productive I'm feeling this week. The first photo is a little pack of stickers I made for Will. When I print stickers I try to fill all the gaps so as to not waste the paper and Will has a new phone case to decorate.
The above photo is from packing the first order of my new stickers, thank you ^-^

I've been wanting to make some dangly/plush/charm/soft toy things lately so I've started practising, here's a little bird friend.

And from this morning some new stickers I've been working on. I'm on a roll and it feels good ^-^

I hope you're doing good ^-^

Lots Of New Stickers ~ Shop Update

I spent the past just over a month working on a folder of drawings I wanted to make better and use and I spent the past week printing and cutting and photographing and editing and now there are new stickers in my shop ^-^
Please check them out. I split them into two groups so there's two listings where you can buy them one at a time and I also have a listing that is a pick n mix for you to choose your favourites to make a set of 6 stickers (for the price of 5).
I'm really pleased with how they turned out and it was a lot of work so I hope you like them too.

Here are some work in progress shots because desk/floor mess is one of my favourite things.

I still can't quite believe I finally have a guillotine. I hadn't had access to one since uni and it was sorely missed. I don't think I'd have thought to make these square stickers without it. (and if I had, it would have been a lot more difficult and wonky lol)
 

I'd been saving the front of my 2019 planner for once I'd made these so that I had some in use type photos and it felt good to finally cover it.

Thanks for looking to the end. After such a long time working on nothing but digital drawings, making some actual physical things again was so satisfying and I am so ready to make even more new things for my shop. I have so many ideas ^-^

Mechanical Circus

There's been an exhibition on at The Forum called Mechanical Circus since early December and when I saw it announced I was like "ooo we have to make sure we go to that" so fast forward to the last week it's on in January and we finally went. I mean, at least we actually went to this. We either go to things last second or we just miss them entirely. Because we're smart.
Anyway.

It was really fun, they had photo spots and lots of automata, automatons?, moving on their own dudes and there were zoetropes and cool magic, distorted, mirror pictures. I had a good time.

Then we popped into Pret for hot drinks and snacks. They have a matcha latte now! I love a matcha latte, I have no knowledge of how a "good" one should be but the green makes me happy and so does being full of warm, gentle, tea-y milk. I am a cosy egg.

I'll add this video here too because it has some moving footage from the exhibit from about 2:12 :)

Diary Scans

For a while I made art journals and filmed flip through videos but lost interest in that. I made a couple of zines from bits in my diary but stopped halfway through making the third because I wasn't having fun putting it together but also I'd realised I'd turned my diary into work. Unintentionally it had become a place I knew I was going to try and make a zine out of and it wasn't really a diary anymore. I didn't have a private space. So I made the conscious decision to have a diary that I would keep entirely private so I could do whatever I want in it and it just doesn't matter at all and it's the best. I sometimes do something in my diary that I want to share but sharing the things isn't on my mind when I'm in there. It's nice to write and draw and cut and stick and know it's just for me.

Rats Basket

I have three rats and I am OBSESSED with them. My three specifically but also rats in general. It's a problem, they don't live long enough for me to love them this much. It's worth it though, they're perfect.
I started reading Fruits Basket (ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshiloveitsomuch) I'm not very far in but every time there's rat characteristics I lose my shit. The first time this happened was when we find out that Yuki has breathing problems. It's super common for rats to have breathing problems. Two of my rats have breathing problems! And then last night there was this panel of all these other rats turning up.

Rats are so cosy and caring and sociable and seeing them all flock to him is just so right.
I also love love love how she draws them, how their arms and legs just kind of droop in and out of the body like the adorable little bags of cute they are. This manga would be one of my favourites anyway but ohmygosh the added rat-ness is just too much.

On a not rat related note I love the author notes things (do they have a name?) that come with each chapter. Is it a shojo thing? I remember really enjoying them in So Cute as well. It's an opportunity to see the mangaka geek out or just generally share something about themselves and I love it so much (because I'm a nosy bastard), it's almost like a little blog post or something.
I was thinking earlier, I bet you could pick a good manga based on these little additional bits. I reckon if they're full of geek excitement about video games and idols there's a good chance it'll be a manga really worth reading. I'll have to keep reading everything I can get my hands on to test my theory ^^

Moremore

Wow, I didn't post anything here at all in december. I did do vlogmas in december though. Tbh I think making vlogs is why I don't post here so much, I don't have an interesting enough life to have things to say in a video and also here. But I will stubbornly cling to this blog because I love blogs, not the shiny, bland, "inspirational" ones (no offence) but the random person, diary type ones. I know what I mean.
I didn't really want to come here and just do another post about how I'm not posting and declare my grand plans for what I'll do here from now on (and then probably not manage it) but here we are.

2017 was a year of breakdowns. Like wow.
2018 I thought was a year of "whatever, this is just what life is" numbness but towards the end I realised 2018 was actually the year of "figuring stuff out". I don't know how I look from the outside but I basically started again and now I know what I want and I'm making little changes until I get there/trying to realise I'm already somewhere because you can't always be thinking about the next thing and not the now thing. Anyway, 2018 was thoughtful.
2019 will hopefully put 2018 thinking into action. I mean, I am here procrastinating instead of working but I feel like it's an acceptable one. I just got back from the vet and need a moment to re-adjust. This is better than scrolling through twitter without actually reading anything.

2019 is going to be more. I want to do more, make more, see more, more moremore more. I hold myself back and I'm not going to anymore.

I'm also going to pretend no one is reading this (which is almost true) and just do whatever I like with it whenever I like with it. I'm going to take that approach with everything actually. I think I know that my best will come out if I'm just totally free about it so I'm going to try really hard to not let thinking about *what other people might think* or wondering *if people who like my stuff will stop liking my stuff if it changes* stop me and just get on with it.
I'm not holding myself back anymore.

I need to figure out my website/blog/portfolio/shop/online whatever stuff. What do I need and how do I do it? So for now this blog is just a blog. I might share work things I might share personal things I might share nonsense things.
Not holding back.

Happy new year >.<