all the anime i watched in 2019

Every anime I watched in 2019 in the order I watched them plus too many screenshots/promo images.

Feel free to judge me. I have no idea what the anime masses deem good or not, I just choose what I like the look of, sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong (but will probably keep watching anyway).

Yuri On Ice (rewatch)

No Game No Life 

Bakemonogatari

Pokemon XY

My Love Story

Magical Girl Ore

Love Live! School Idol Project

Blend-S 

Gamers

Cardcaptor Sakura

Himouto! Umaru-chan (rewatch) 

Endro! 

Idolish7 

Futari wa Pretty Cure

Pastel Memories

That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime

Laid-Back Camp

Nisemonogatari

My Roommate Is A Cat

Fruits Basket (2001)

Rilakkuma and Kaoru

Sekko Boys

Flying Witch

How Clumsy You Are, Miss Ueno

My Hero Academia 

Fruits Basket (2019)

Is the Order a Rabbit?

Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku

Dororo

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Haikyuu!! 

Dr. Stone

Granbelm

Hitoribocchi no Marumaruseikatsu

Laid-back Camp (rewatch) 

Wotakoi: Love Is Hard For Otaku (rewatch) 

Given

Hakata Mentai! Pirikarako-chan

Cat God

Pop Team Epic

Skull-face Bookseller Honda-san

Oresuki Are you the only one who loves me? 

Caligula

Didn't I Say To Make My Abilities Average In The Next Life? 

Ascendance of a Bookworm

Null and Peta

Naruto (started, I'm still on the first season)

Nekomonogatari: kuro

School-Live! 

Love Hina

I'll leave it to you to make assumptions about which of these I loved and which I probably should have dropped (๑꧆◡꧆๑)
Summer 2019 was when I started paying any attention to seasonal release schedules so I'm excited to keep that up this year and also get caught up on more of the older series on my list. Basically just excited to watch more anime whatever it is ʕ •ᴥ•ʔ☆

If you've blogged about what you watched feel free to drop a link in the comments, I'm nosy!

End of the Year

I wrote this blog post a few times over the past few weeks and never actually posted anything.
It's funny reading it back, seeing all the different moods and feelings but the general points not changing.
I've deleted most of it, this is the final draft, re-written and actually posted.
There are only four days left of the year and I want to do a blog post and I want to post these photos that have nothing to do with anything.

*I'm giving up on December. I would say "I'm just gonna sleep for the next two weeks" but i need actual rest and sleep isn't a restful thing right now. My throat hurts, I can't breathe properly and I wake up every hour with a dry painful throat unable to swallow properly. I'm so sick of being sick and all i wanted this month was to work really hard on new items for my shop and have a nice fancy start to the year with all new things and fun lucky bags of the older things and just be in a good place in terms of work at least. But I've just been ill and useless (more useless than usual) and I'm over it.*

My colds are mostly gone now. I still can't taste or smell everything properly though.

I'm normally quite reflective at the end of the year but I'm not really feeling it this time. I think I messed up and I think there were hard things and I want to move on from thinking so much. I've reflected too much without moving forward. I want to be thoughtful but I don't really want to think about things anymore. I don't know if that even makes sense but I know what I mean.

*But even this is more thinking and trying to sort it out. How many of these blog posts have I written. I'm so annoyed at myself. I think I'm reaching breaking point. I'm not going to put up with myself anymore. I need to stop.*

Resolutions? Goals? Um, I want to just get on with it? Is that a goal? Do things without them needing to be added to a list so I remember to do them at some point. Actually live?

I'm pretty sure I've been holding myself back and I need to relax and live and let my brain come up with stuff and do the work when it comes and do the hobbies when it doesn't.

*I've been trying to remind myself lately that I don't have to go work behind a till or get to the office or look after kids or any of the other things people are dealing with, why don't i take advantage of that? What's the point of dealing with all the negatives of the lifestyle I chose if I don't take proper advantage of the positives?
I need to actually rest and with that will come the creative productivity that I want. Not because I think I should be productive but because making things is so important to me and makes me feel like myself. The need to make money from it is just it's own issue, it's not why i want to be doing it in the first place.
If I'm not getting anything done anyway then i may as well get nothing done in a resting way than a stressful energy zapping panic way.*

Stop being a dummy.

I've already been making changes and I'm already changing. I'm not waiting for a magical date change to fix me but also I love the magic of that date change.

I've been wondering about starting again with the blog. I want a blog but I've been taking my full name off of my profiles and such. I'm not sure why but it feels right so I'm doing it. I don't think I can change the url and keep the blog? I'd have to start over? Can I make this private so I can keep it? Deleting this would be tough but maybe it'd be good for me. I hang on to things. I dunno. A lot of the photos got deleted anyway.

Wait. I didn't add it to a list for later. I checked and it looks like I can change my url. Awesome, now I just need to decide what it should be...

Sharky and Pixel Died

So, I don't have any rats now. I'm not going to do the same post as I did with Tank but I wanted to write about it because it helps.

Sharky and Pixel had been ill for a while and got much worse over the course of the same week and we decided it was time to let them go together. We were really hoping that Sharky would die at home because taking him to the vet caused him so much stress but we also didn't want him to be hurting more than he needed to. Will went and spoke to the vets about it and arranged an appointment and literally within about 10 minutes of Will getting home Sharky died on my lap, all four of us were sat together and he just went really peacefully. This was about an hour and a half before we had our appointment so Pixel didn't even have to be the only rat left which we knew he wouldn't have coped well with at all. For such a horrible thing, it worked out the best way possible.
We're pretty sure Pixel had said goodbye to Sharky the day before, he just seemed to be grooming him and sitting with him in a slightly different way, he knew it was happening, like we did. I'm glad he didn't have to be lonely rat.

I am so broken by them dying. They were my whole life. We were a family, they meant so much to me, made me a better person and literally everything is connected to them. Rats are magic, they are like us, it's such a mutual connection. It's going to take a really long time to get used to them not being here.
When Tank died it was awful but we had the other two to look after us and to hang out with. This is so much worse.

Going downstairs the first morning was scary, I had to make myself get out of bed at the usual time rather than just laying there and avoiding it. Even on a good day the first thing I'd do is say hello to the rats, tidy up any poo and old food, put in new food and water and recently with Sharky being so clingy my mornings were dictated by whether he needed to come out or not, whether my morning would start with an hour or so of just sitting on the sofa with him and Pixel had been having medicine in the morning that I'd have to sort out. Once they were sorted and safe I'd have a shower and have my breakfast (which I'd share with them). Coming downstairs now I have nothing I need to do except for myself and just getting on with my day. It's a big change. I don't want to start a new routine that doesn't have them in it.

Some things that have caught me off guard because my whole life is them:
Putting away the teaspoons. I've been giving the rats medicine for a long time and I mix it and give it to them on a teaspoon.
I was getting changed and thought "I'll put a cardigan on instead of this jumper because Sharky likes to get in it".
Leaving the house the first time (and second time, there hasn't been a third time yet) upset me. Not having them to say goodbye to, knowing no one was at home. Coming back and them not being there to say hello to and to be said hello to when I got home.

I was going to keep adding to this list but honestly, everything makes me think of them so I'll leave it here. I started writing this a few days ago and I still feel broken. I'm making myself go through the motions of day to day, I get up, I take showers, I eat, I tidy up, I go out, I'm trying to start work again, because I know I should, because how bad would I spiral if I didn't so I'm making myself do these things. It's weird to think from the outside I would look like I was getting on ok but I know how empty it feels to be doing the things.
I feel like I must sound so dramatic but it's how I'm feeling and I know it will get easier with time, I know but right now I'm just so sad and sad doesn't even get close to covering it.

They were perfect magic and they made me a better person and I'm going to work really hard at being that better person as my own little way of honouring them.
They were very special and I miss them so much.

I'm Watching Naruto!

I'm doing it. I'm watching Naruto. All the way through. I've never seen any of Naruto before and that just feels wrong, it's such an ingrained piece of weeb pop culture that I just feel like I should participate.

I'm actually going in pretty blind because I'm wonderfully out of touch. All I have in my Naruto knowledge bank is that I read the first volume of the manga in March last year and I saw these drawings at the british museum.

That's literally it.

I'm 5 episodes in, some initial thoughts (that are basically the same as I thought when I read the manga).

• I don't really like Naruto. lol.  I'm just not a fan of annoying, cocky, 12 year old boys. I'm pretty sure I have some mild school boy based ptsd, I find it really hard to enjoy characters like this. But I get it, he's had a hard life, he's still a baby, he doesn't know how to not be annoying. I am on side with his love for cup noodles though.
• Sakura better get some fucking character development fast because wow she's a bad portrayal of a girl. Like, how is she even a ninja if she's so stupid? It better not be just because she fancies Sasuke because arhgjkhgkdsksdaghl (there's already mention of family stuff though..?)
• Sasuke is just a different type of dumb boy, there's not even much to say about him yet because he's just so cold. It did make me laugh a lot though when there was a scene where it went from Naruto to Sakura to Sasuke and we were hearing what they were thinking in their head and Sasuke just wasn't saying anything.
• I have a soft spot for characters with eyes like this, even if you can only see one of them...

Now, why am I watching this if I think the three main characters are dumb and annoying? I'll tell you why! They're clearly going to grow and I want to see it. There's enough going on that it feels like we're heading somewhere and even though I don't like them yet it's still fun to watch and it feels like I will like them soon. They're kids! Of course they're stupid!
Not to mention with the wonder of hindsight, it's a 220 episode anime with a 500 episode follow up based on a 72 volume manga that has really, really beautiful artwork. I'm not going to drop it after 1 volume or 5 episodes!

So yeah, I'm watching Naruto and I'll probably share my idiot thoughts about it here every now and then.