Just Let Nature Goblins Live

I decided to have another go at watercolours, click here for the not pixelated version of the blog post and lots of process photos ^-^

Tank Troubles

So, Tanks's cyst/abscess (don't worry I won't go into detail)(unless you want me to, I'll happily reply to comments about it, bodies are so weird and interesting) had some sort of hissy fit and the vet decided the best thing to do was to open it up and keep it clean while it heals in the hopes it won't just fill back up again.

WOW IT'S HORRIBLE!

Not in a gross way, like, it is gross but a gross that Will and I don't mind at all. It's horrible because Tank hates it so much. Obviously. He has a hole in his neck and we're holding him down and wiping it out. The poor little thing screams his heart out (and poos up a storm). He has always been a crybaby, you don't have to even touch him sometimes and he'll squeak at the anticipation of you doing something he doesn't want but these screams are so awful. It breaks my heart and wears me out and we've only had to do it twice so far out of a twice a day for probably at least a week.

The other side of the stress is that he's such a sweet boy. All he does is scream. I can't believe he hasn't tried to bite us. He's so good. And it feels awful to be abusing his trust like this. I know I've said he cries a lot and that probably makes him sound anti-social but he really isn't. He's so cuddly and will groom all along your arm while you're holding him and we're doing this awful thing to him that he doesn't understand. It's for his own good and we have to just do it but it's tough and wearing.

The rats are the best things, so when something is going wrong with them it is the worst thing.

Cleaning as Self Care

Sometimes things happen that are very stressful and upsetting and are so far out of your control and it can be very frustrating to have to have all these feelings about something and to not have any resolution to it. I can't do anything but that doesn't stop me from feeling like shit, shit that can't put my mind to any other tasks.

When a big societal disappointment makes you unable to focus then anything you might have done in that time that makes you a good force in the world doesn't happen. Fuck that!

This morning I spent some time rambling nonsense frustrations with Will and then I got the kitchen roll, duster and window cleaner, put on The Uncluded Hokey Fright and cleaned our bedroom window and table/books. I don't enjoy cleaning in general and I can't do much in one go because I get so worn out from it but as a distraction technique cleaning one small space works perfectly. I can clean and let my mind wander, I can wipe a window and cry at the same time (never underestimate the power of having a cry), I can use my nail to get right in the mouldy grooves of the frame and feel sad and angry while the dirt disappears and I can dust precious little items and sing along to songs that make me feel good.

The cleaning doesn't take any particular brain power, it's not something I can ruin but at the end I feel at least some satisfaction that I got something good done in the time I could have just been going over and over what was bothering me. It also gives my brain a break from going over and over the thing.
I felt better.

Then I did some reading, had some lunch, stood in our over-grown garden for a bit and now I'm at my desk, writing this before starting something that can count as work.

Gotta look after yourself so you can fight back, whatever that means for you.

Blog thoughts and Sundays

Wah! Technology or whatever. After all my hopes for blogging again I'm now hitting problems here that I can't fix. The image quality is bothering me a lot. I think maybe blogger has just been neglected and isn't suited to how good screens are now?
However. I think I've come to a conclusion. As mentioned in my last post, I set up my Patreon account as a just-in-case but it's there now so I may as well use it. What I'm thinking is, if it's art/work related the image quality is important but if it's just personal, it's not as important. I can carry on blogging here for myself and when it's something to do with art I can do a public post on my Patreon page and link to it from here. I don't know how well that will work, will people bother to click through to other pages? Does it seem like I'm trying to trick people onto my Patreon page? (I'm really really not btw, if anything, I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that I even have one, I don't have an audience asking for it, who am I to think I might need a Patreon account at some point etc etc) I don't know but in the grand tradition of making the best out of what you've got I think this is my plan for now.
I would love to have a website and have a blog and everything else on there and make it all nice and fancy and good but I can't afford the fees for now and I don't want to set up another free blog somewhere else only to move it again in a year or two.
So yes, these are my bloggy thoughts that I don't really need to share but feel the urge to. I hope you will click on my links to see my work better on other pages and I hope you'll enjoy my personal posts here with slightly pixelated photos.

Anyway, it is a sunday and I have been feeling pretty good lately and am planning to just "have a sunday". I'm learning to find balance in working and resting so that I don't get so drained. It's hard, I feel like I need to just work until I've succeeded at life but I can't work well if my brain is a stressed mush and there the evil circle starts up. Also, if I'm always working towards this "success" I'm losing all these days in the mean time. I'm also trying to learn better focus when I am working so I get more out of my time. Just trying to be better while also just existing and enjoying where I am.

Cromer

I've been having problems with image quality on here and it's starting to really bug me.
When Patreon announced it's new pricing I set one up so if I ever did use Patreon I'd get the founder perks. Not to be down on myself but I'm not expecting anyone to pledge yet BUT you can do public posts so I thought why not use that as a platform for when the images getting ruined here would be too annoying.
So when it's art, I think I'll post over there and link to it from here. For now it seems like the best solution for me but I don't know, I'll keep trying to figure things out.
Anyway, here is the post on Patreon with some photos and the drawings I did on some of them ^-^

All The Badges and some stickers ~ Shop Update

I was doing a stock check and thought it'd be fun to put all my badges together into one photo. This is a lot of badges lol. I love to make badges, the process is fun for me, it's a way for me to get my drawings onto a product and they're a cheap item which means they're accessible for more people. Turns out this wasn't enough badges though...

...because I made more. And some new stickers too which have all the same love and reasoning behind them as badges.
If any of these take your fancy they're all available in my Etsy shop, most of them are made from prints and I make more when they sell but some of them are hand drawn originals so when they're gone they're gone.

Thanks for looking and here's to a new week! I'm actually starting the week super tired because I'm an introverted hermit that went out and did stuff but it's worth it so I'm not complaining, I'll just be sleepy for a bit ^-^

Turn The Page Book Arts Fair

On Friday we visited Turn The Page Book Art Fair at the forum. I found out about it a couple of years ago and hadn't managed to actually go but this year I'm adamant to not let as many things pass me by. There were some pieces on show and people with tables showing/selling their work and all the work is based around books. But the books don't just have art in them, the books are the art. It was so cool. I love books, I love handmade items, I love art. I came away from it feeling inspired to make more stuff. I definitely want to make some more ooak books.

I don't want to make assumptions about anyone but overall it felt a little white/middle age/middle class which I was expecting anyway tbh and while there was a range of different types of work (and a section for some educational groups, artpocket and some universities), I'd love to go to a more diverse version of the fair. Imagine how much more variety in the works you'd get to see.

There were some books that looked like they were made entirely from bits of ephemera, the pages as well as what was collaged onto the pages and I loved them so much. There were some really interesting types of binding and ways to fold pages.

Something I took away from it was that I looked at some books and didn't see an obvious theme or know what it was about and I still loved it and I feel like it will be a good reminder to let go of over-explaining or needing an obvious running theme before I start to make something. Sometimes something can just exist and be its own thing, it doesn't necessarily need an easy to follow clear theme, maybe the theme is just that it got made or maybe I know the theme and you don't and that doesn't matter.

I came away from it feeling so inspired to make some books and to remember to not be so restricted when I'm making things.

I'm really feeling that I'm not articulate enough to explain this event and how it made me feel but seeing art is always awesome and I've definitely been left wanting to create even more than I do anyway and it's given me a lot to think about too.

Afterwards we went for a hot drink and did a bit of drawing and then we nosed around Waterstones while we waited for our bus. There were so many books I wanted in Waterstones *wah* but at least I got to have a peek. Another good thing about the day was that we treated ourselves to a bus ride. We normally walk or cycle everywhere and it's pretty tiring. It felt really good to get into the city and not already be worn out and to get home and not be totally wrecked. Transport is magic, next time you're stuck in a traffic jam just remember how lucky you actually are!

Anyway, I won't turn this into a ramble about gratitude and noticing the good daily things (although you totally should!) and I'll end with my video from the day. Thanks Turn The Page, I'll definitely be back next year.